Updating the Six Principles of Social Influence for 2020
Getting Better Results at Work through Influence
Long before “influencers” co-opted influence, a classic personal development author was giving us the keys to the kingdom over how to “Win Friends and Influence People.” I’m sure I’m not the only one whose parents had a dusty copy of this on the bookshelf, but classics are classic for a reason.
Dale Carnegie’s insights are more relevant than ever. In 2020, we’re put in a position of having to possibly start new jobs, connect with co-workers from a distance, and create great work outcomes with fewer in-person resources and options for building relationships. That means we need even more tools in our social and EQ toolkit.
Dale’s original Six Principles of influence are essential guides for the “work from anywhere” world we’re finding ourselves in today. Here’s the six anchors of influence, and how I practice them in my everyday working routine.
Take Interest in Others’ Interests: This is a foundational way to start to build trust and new relationships. While this may still feel a bit challenging virtually, caring about other people’s hobbies, current activities, and even just how they’re getting by day-to-day right now isn’t just compassion, it helps you build lasting bonds for results over your career. I’m trying to push myself here to go beyond the usual small talk, and especially for new connections, get to know them outside of the screen or our 2020 craziness. My newest conversation starter looks something like, “What did you do with your weekends before 2020?”, in an attempt to break the ice a bit and get to know people’s key hobbies.
Smile: This seems so straightforward but smiling is the ultimate way to put people at ease. It’s even more important in our virtual-first world, where we lack the opportunity to send any other body language signals before diving into a meeting or key topics of a call. It’s also helpful because now we’re often joining calls defaulted as being on mute. I’m doing my best to show up to every video call smiling before the camera even kicks off to set a warm and welcoming first impression.
Use Their Name: When I was about 14, I had the horrifying moment of being in a group of adults in a conversation thinking I was holding my own, and later finding out I’d called someone by the wrong name the whole time. That moment has always made me both ultra conscious to double check names, but also ultra hesitant to trot them out over an entire conversation. Using someone’s name is a natural connection builder, and I’m now challenging myself to work it into conversations at least 2 other times beyond the open and close of meetings.
Listen, And Encourage Others to Talk: I’m sorry, could you repeat that, the line broke up? Ok we’re all talking over each other a bit here….. Ah, if 2020 were a soundtrack! I’m finding that on video calls and other large group meetings that the natural flow of conversation can get a little out of whack. It’s helped me to offer a little more structure to meetings by calling out people by name (hello #3!) and ensuring that I’m working my way around the virtual room getting feedback and incorporating others’ ideas. You also don’t have to be leading the meeting to do this. Once you’ve piped in, pass the virtual mic by calling out someone by name at the end of your comment. “……I think that would really work, but I would love to hear Alison’s thoughts on this.”
Discuss What Matters to Them: I’ve been trying to set appointments and meetings with a clear agenda, so folks know what to expect and why I’m taking their time at a time when we’re all stretched thin. That said, I usually kick off calls with “Anything you’d like to chat about first?” before I dig into my checklist. While that’s a narrow interpretation of this rule, it’s helpful to clear some space for people to focus on other tasks to come. I’m also trying to do quick check ins with friends and work colleagues this time of year as they have kiddos get back to school and routines change. “No need to respond, just thinking of you as you settle your family into a school routine and hope things are going well.” These little stretches of thoughtfulness can go a long way into helping people know that you’re thinking about what matters to them.
Make Others Feel Important: I have really tried to focus this tip on the most junior members of my team. Any time I have an opportunity to introduce them, I add something about their great academic achievements, or that they “help manage” a certain part of our program, or, that they were key to getting XYZ project off the ground. It costs absolutely nothing to share these kudos about them in front of other people and serves two purposes—they feel like the valued members of the team they are, and it lets other professional partners know that I expect them to be treated well and that they have an equal voice in our work.
